twilight

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You're skin is so pale... Are you a vampire? No, I just play a lot of World of Warcraft.

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DRAGONS

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You know, if this was men cheering for 17 year old girls Someone would call the cops.

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Y'know, Twilight wasn't half bad!

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Sparkly

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I can't work like this. My shirt is on.

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So... Do you think that you could introduce me to Taylor Lautner?

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Next week I'll show you how to kill a sparkling vampire with a toothpick and a rubberband.

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KRISTEN STEWART

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You think your career stinks? So What? You're a twinkly vampire! I HAD TO POSE NUDE WITH A HORSE So people would stop calling me Potter!

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I SEE DEAD PEOPLE

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A weedwhacker is not an appropirate substitute for a good haircut.

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Some jokes just write themselves

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I'd like to thank all the 12 year olds.

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I'm so rich... I had the dealership match the paint to my skin.

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GROUNDS FOR DIVORCE