Editor's Note: This video is probably NOT SAFE FOR WORK (unless you work in an awesome place)!
Lady Gaga's new single, "Marry the Night," comes with a 14-minute video. We would recommend watching the entire thing, but in case you can't spare that much time (don't you have work to do???) , here are some highlights:
-- The video begins with a seven-and-a-half-minute prelude in which a brunette Gaga is wheeled down a corridor on a gurney by nurses with mint caps. (The one on the right has a great ass. BAM!) Is she crazy? Is she a big fat liar? Um, quantum physics??? WAT IS HAPPENING??? -- Somebody wants to be an ACTOR! -- What is this, "BLACK SWAN"?????? -- CHEERIOS!!!!!!!!!1! -- BEDAZZLER!!!!!!!!1 -- It's weird that she gets into a car the EXACT SAME WAY I DO!?? -- EXPLOSIONS! (Don't look if you're a cool guy.) -- From "Black Swan" to "Fame"????? -- Blue lipstick? Ichiban product placement??? -- MONTAGE! -- O noez! She fell down the stairs! -- LOL HER HAT IS TOO BIG AND SHE CAN'T GET IN THE CAR #HATPEOPLEPROBLEMS -- Random CGI flames??? I wonder if these represent how so much time has passed since I started the video that the world has ended and we're all in hell?
OVERALL RATING: 10 BEDAZZLED DISCO STICKS OUT OF 10 BEDAZZLED DISCO STICKS!
Behold Katy Perry's new video for "The One That Got Away," the sixth single taken from her never-ending "Teenage Dream" album.
She spends about half of the video made-up to look like an old woman and the other half looking exactly like that chick from "New Girl."
Some other highlights:
-- Crying while not wearing pants in a closet? (STORY OF MY LIFE!!!) -- Her boyfriend, Diego Luna, sketches a really ugly portrait of her? -- I am reminded of both "The Notebook" and the dream sequence from "Romy and Michele's High School Reunion" where they are bitter old women??? -- Um, Johnny Cash is playing??? -- Katy, Diego didn't "leave you to love another." He died. That's kind of a big difference????????
In summation: ???????????????????????????